What to Do When She’s Being a Dead Fish

“Either she isn’t expressive or she isn’t enjoying it”

For anyone who’s been living under a rock forever, a dead fish in the bedroom is a woman who just lays there during sex. She may or may not make noise (it’s worst if she doesn’t) but no matter what, her body lays still. She’ll rarely do any work when it comes to banging and sort of puts a damper on the whole mood. You can only hump at a dead fish for so long before you lose your enthusiasm. It’s not the easiest lay you’ll have, but there are a few things you can do to bring this fish back to life.

Fake It

If you’ve seen this woman before and know what you’re getting into then you’d better have a great reason for coming back. When you do, tell her that you faked an injury. Maybe you were being super rugged on the football field or lifted an old woman across the street. Whatever it is, you hurt your back. You cannot hump, but you can be ridden. Suggest that she get on top for the night. If she agrees then you know this fish can still make it back to the light. She might not be very good at it, but it’s a start to getting better. What’ you are hoping she won’t do is refuse. She might make up a reason to get out of it or say that she doesn’t want to hurt your back, but in actuality she doesn’t want to do the work. If that’s how it’s going to be then you need to find yourself someone new.

Drink Drink Drink

“Drinking will make you more comfortable”

Drinking alcohol is the social lubricant of the world. If you’re with a woman who won’t do the work, but a couple of drinks out and see how she reacts. You don’t want her to be completely shit faced because that’s creepy and she might pass out. But having some wine or beer together can help loosen the cogs that are winding her so tightly. She’ll feel flirtier and sexier when her inhibitions are lightened.

Compliment Her

Anytime that she does something even remotely sexy compliment her on it. She might just be feeling self conscious about being on top or things that she’s bad at it. So try to get her on top at least once and then, no matter how she does, praise the living hell out of her. The better she feels about riding you the more often she’ll throw on the saddle.

Avoid Being Blunt

When you’re with a woman for a while you can always ask her ot do more things on top of you or be more blunt, but at first that could be a killer. You don’t want to call attention to the fact that she’s just laying there since it will make her feel bad. If you do that you’re way less likely to ever get anywhere with her. Just be patient and try to coax her out of whatever shell she goes into during sex.

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