What to Do When She’s Being a Dead Fish

“Either she isn’t expressive or she isn’t enjoying it” For anyone who’s been living under a rock forever, a dead fish in the bedroom is a woman who just lays there during sex. She may or may not make noise (it’s worst if she doesn’t) but no matter what, her body lays still. She’ll rarely do any work when it comes to banging and sort of puts a damper on the whole mood. You can only hump at a dead fish for so long before you lose your enthusiasm. It’s not the easiest lay you’ll have, but there are a few things you can do to bring this fish back to life. Fake It If you’ve seen this woman before and know what you’re getting into then you’d better have a great reason for coming back. When you do, tell her that you faked an injury. Maybe you were being super rugged on the football field or lifted an old woman across the street. Whatever it is, you hurt your back. You cannot hump, but you can be ridden. Suggest that she get on top for the night. If she agrees then you know this fish can still make it back to the light. She might not be very good…

Getting Rid of Smoker’s Breath Before You Kiss the Girl

Smoking isn’t a pleasant habit in the slightest, but unfortunately it’s what we call an addiction. If you can’t get away from it you’ll find that, although there are women that smoke, it’s not as widely accepted as it used to be. Women don’t want to be kissing ashtrays when they’re thinking that the time has come for a romantic moonlit kiss. While you’re trying to quit your addiction (or keep it around, we don’t judge) you can do some things that will help you stop that stank form leaving your mouth. Mints….Sort Of “Take some mints to fight your bad breath” Mints and gum are always the go-to thing for smokers when it comes to covering up the smoky smell. But really all that that’s going to do is make it smell like you use menthols. Have you ever walked into a bathroom where someone just shit so hard that the paint is peeling off of the walls? Then they try to spray some air freshener over it like that’s supposed to help. Essentially you end up with explosive diarrhea mixed in with a garden of lilac. It doesn’t smell good; it just throws some sweet smell over something bad. We’re not saying your breath is shit, we are…

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